Growing up my parents made a point to allow me to make my own choices. For good of for bad and deal with the results (both good and bad) of those decisions. They did a good job teaching me right from wrong and exposed me to many schools of thought. I was introduced to music and theater of all flavors, from jazz to opera, Mozart to Mendelssohn; I even introduced my dad to a few things. And let me tell you the strangest day of my life was coming home finding my dad listening to my Metallica CD (Black Album to be exact) and comparing it to some of his music on Reel to Reel (but that is another story for another time). I've been to and performed in theatrical plays, I've seen the Nutcracker hundreds of times, and I've been to the Opera at least a dozen times in my lifetime. And all through this, and the ventures through the different churches trying to find the one that ‘fit’, I learned one thing that has stuck; Personal Responsibility. Not in all things I’m afraid, but in those that matter for the overall scheme of things.
Like many young men that lose their father and brother in short order, unexpectedly or not, I made some choices that were definitely not in my best interests. But my family never gave up on me and I learned that family is the core of it all. I’m sure I’ve upset every member of my family and they may have wanted to kick me to the curb on one occasion or another. But they didn’t. I joined the US Navy to discover who I was and find the man that my dad knew was there. I joined the Navy so that I wouldn’t become what some people (family and friends alike) were afraid that I would. The Navy gave me something a young man born in the desert would never have had otherwise, a chance to see the world, do something that mattered and learn how to be a better man than the one that entered boot camp in Illinois, that cold day in October.
So fast forward to my last year in the Navy, we’re steaming through the Persian Gulf and we see the images of two planes crash into the towers and another into the Pentagon. This is an especially somber moment because a young Petty Officer named Nehamon Lyons, a man I considered to be a good friend, had just transferred to the Pentagon in the weeks prior to this day. Petty Officer Lyons lost his life that day. The crew of the
Gettysburg was a close group, everybody knew each other and I know of nobody that day that didn’t shed a tear.
So we get back from probably the most stressful deployment I’ve ever been on. I bought a Harley and used it as my only means of transportation. Rain, sun, fog, it didn’t matter I rode in it. I probably put 20k miles on the bike the first year alone. Then while working harbor patrol late one January night on a Rigid Hull Inflatable Boat (RHIB) I had an accident that pretty much put me out of commission and caused me to make the decision to go ahead and leave the service. I spent last few month in and out of the hospitals and attempts at rehab. I never gave up though. I never allowed self-pity to rule my thoughts. I just went on.
I met a young woman and we became serious, I ended up marrying her and we had two wonderful children together. But for reasons beyond the scope of this entry, we divorced and I am now a proud single father to a wonderful daughter (Lena, 6) and an awesome son (Eddie, 5). Sure, I could have done what thousands of men do with their children when they divorce and walk away and let my ex-wife raise them and just send in a check each month. But that’s not what they needed. Much of the problems the country faces today are the lack of the father figure in single parent families. My children will be given the same opportunities to learn right from wrong. My children will learn for themselves different viewpoints. My children will be taught what I believe and what I believe in, and what I was taught as a young child. They will be shown how to be charitable to their fellow man as I was. They will be show how to donate their time for causes that are important to them and others. But they will have the ultimate responsibility to take the enormous influences that surround them, good-bad, right-left, you name it and to become the man and woman they are destined to be. They are personally responsible to themselves to take the knowledge they learn in school and at home and use it in such a manner to further their own lives.
If you have children, especially you men out there, you have a moral obligation to your children to do better for them then your father did for you. If your father was absent, then you need to be present. If your father was your hero, then you need to be your child’s hero. If your father was a drunk, you need to be sober. What you do with your children shapes who they are. My son knows that men never touch women in anger. No matter what his sister does to him, no matter how mad he gets he knows that men just don’t hurt women. It’s the little things that shape the man he will be. My daughter knows that what she does she is responsible for. Just the other day she put a bad scratch on the side of my door. But she took responsibility for it and didn’t try to hide it from me. So that tells me that so far, the lessons I’ve learned through my parents have transferred to my children. Teaching those lessons was my personal responsibility being a parent. Now it’s up to them to use those lessons in their own journey. No, my duties are not over, and will never be over when it comes to them in one way or another.
There was a time when I was between jobs and drew unemployment for a short period. I could have very easily gone to the government and asked for Food Stamps, Financial Assistance or welfare and lived off of that while raising these kids. But when I didn’t have the skills necessary to make the kind of money I needed to support my kids, I made the ultimate choice to get the skills. Yes, I sacrificed many hours of work at a low paying job and even more hours in the evening at school. But I did it and, for the most part, I do what I enjoy doing and can support my children without government assistance. Making that sacrifice was not done for me, it was my personal responsibility to my children to become a better father by making the hard choices and doing the work.
Being a Disabled Veteran, I am eligible for the VA health care system which I use on occasion for my knees and back. But I also maintain private health care insurance for myself and children. The VA health care system is okay overall but very overloaded. It takes at least 6 weeks to get an appointment for something as simple as an exam. I choose to only use the VA system when my back is really aggravating. There are thousands of other heroes out there that are in much worse shape than I am that need the limited resources the VA has. And since I am capable, I use my private insurance to handle the vast majority of my health care needs. And despite what some people think, even with my Service Connected status, the VA still charges my private insurance.
So, just what is it I’m trying to say? Everyone out there has a personal responsibity to themselves and their children to do better. Ultimately, you are responsible for caring for your family. It’s up to me to provide shelter, food, care and the love that comes naturally to my children. Part of that care is emotional, physical and of course their health. So if that means that I have to forego some luxuries in life and pay a percentage of my income to the insurance companies for health care, so be it. So it means I don’t have cable television. So it means I don’t have a fancy cell phone with a plan. I don’t need it. I don’t use it enough to justify. If I spend more than $30 in a month on my cell phone I’ve had a busy month. I cannot justify $100 a month for an iPhone. I drive a 1999 Cadillac Escalade, not because it’s a Cadillac, not because it’s an SUV. I drive it because it’s comfortable for me. I had a 2008 Ford Fusion, great on gas, but terrible on my back. I’m 6’6” tall, 270+ lbs a man of my size cannot fit in these little eco-vehicles. I’ll sacrifice a little gas mileage for my health and comfort. Plus my Cadillac is paid off. I have no car payment.
It’s not easy to make it, life is not easy. I don’t ask for assistance because it’s not the government’s role to provide for me. The government’s sole role is to keep the people safe from harm from other governments and entities. Since the Supreme Court ruled in 2005 that the police do not have a constitutional duty to protect a person from harm, I have both a South Carolina and Florida concealed weapons permit and when not at work you will be hard pressed to find a day that it’s not within reach, no matter where I am. I pray to God that I will never be put in a situation where I need to use it. But, with the economy the way it is there are frequently more and more attacks no matter where you live. America is land of opportunities.
Everyone, no matter your race, creed or color has the opportunity to become anything they choose. Some choose to become doctors, lawyers or politicians. Many choose to give of themselves by working in charitable organizations, the military or law enforcement. But some have found that if they ask loud enough, the government will give and give. There are women of all races that have figured out that if they remain unmarried and continue to have children, the government will continue to give her a check and food and in some cases housing for as long as she has the children in the home. There is no incentive to get away from this kind of help, and in fact this help does more harm than good in the overall picture because it teaches those children the same philosophy. ‘I don’t have to work hard and better myself… the government will take care of me’. But then again for many people in government this is exactly what they want, 'Cradle to Grave' "Care" from the government.
I have chosen not to suck off of the government teat and be a drain on society. But I have chosen to be productive and want to succeed and be the best that I can and teach that idea to MY children. To become the best, overcome whatever obstacle is in the way and no matter how many times they fall, to get back up again and try again. It is not up to the masses to mandate how I succeed; it is not up to the masses to mandate how I fail. It is not up to the masses to mandate what eat, drink, sleep and buy. And it is not up to the masses to mandate I participate in an already failed system. The masses have no influence on the decisions I make. The only ones that matter in my decisions are my children and I.
There are many programs out there that the government runs that need reform and
yes, I agree that healthcare needs reform. But, before you can mandate reform and create a huge bureaucracy on top of an already bloated one, fix what we already have. Fix the social security system that I’ve been paying into since I was 15 years old that I will probably never be able to draw a dime out of. Fix the Medicare/Medicaid system that is woefully over budget. Fix and streamline the VA health care system. Fix a tax system that punishes those that succeed. What kind of world do we live in where if you are smart, intelligent and knowledgeable enough to do work that compensates you well, you get taxed into oblivion? Where is the incentive then to succeed? Why would the millions of recipients of welfare and government assistance try to get off of the system when they know so long as they go with the status quo they will get paid to be lazy? Only once the programs that our government uses to keep our poorest citizens in poverty and dependant on the government are reformed and the recipients have a reason to try and succeed will they free themselves from their unfortunate situations.
When immigration is truly reformed and the massive amounts of identity theft by illegal aliens is curbed , Only then you can address the medical costs that are massively inflated because of the millions of undocumented aliens that pull resources out of the system without putting anything into it among the millions of dollars in waste. There are plenty of things that need reform in this country; from entitlement programs to government waste, fraud and abuse. These items all need to be addressed. And then once everything else is handled….
Only then should the country address health care reform.
